Judas and Jesus

Hey family!

I’ve done things in the past that betrayed myself and betrayed who I am. I’ve chosen to stay in situations and environments that I knew didn’t serve me or honor who I was, all in the name of pushing through it. I’ve hid parts of myself that I was deeply ashamed of in order to save face. 

And while I was doing this, I continuously looked for something or someone to save me from the depression, anxiety, and unhappiness that I was feeling. I was searching for something or someone to pull me out of the messes I had found myself in. I was constantly looking out for a savior, but never in. 

But after peeling back the layers of my mind (and getting advice from some very, VERY patient mentors), I realized that I could save myself. I could become active in my own rescue. And as soon as I took steps towards this, the circumstances in my life began to shift for the better. It was like night and day. 

Now I’m at peace, living authentically (not perfectly), and I’m genuinely happy. And it’s because I know that there are no external circumstances that can destroy me unless I allow them to. The only one who can hurt me is me: when I choose to act in ways that are contradictory to who I know I am at my core, when I don’t try something out of fear of failure, when I tie in my identity and self worth with the circumstances I find myself in, or when I stay in places that make me unhappy even though a small quiet voice is whispering for me to leave. 

But as much as you betray yourself, you can save yourself too. 

In the words of Osho,
“Nobody can destroy you except you, nobody else can save you except you. You are the judas and the jesus.”

Here are some ways I became active in my own rescue:

-finding out what my core values were, and intentionally making decisions that align with them

-becoming my own #1 fan. Advocating for myself like I would for my best friend 

-knowing and believing that all the power I’ll ever need is inside of me. I don’t fix my problems. I fix my thinking and my problems fix themselves.

Reflection questions for the week: In what ways are you betraying yourself? How can you get active in your own rescue?